Moving along!

You'll now find me at

http://lehameaudelareine.blogspot.com/

EDIT: Please don't mention Mark over there. The fact that I'm posting this bog to my Facebook as well means he'll see it!

Learning How to Love

I consoled myself by saying there was no way I couldn't fall for him upon meeting him.

Tall, lean, with large, elegantly boned hands and a well-groomed mustache, he was completely opposite my small, round, long haired and beskirted self. A well-fitting brown jacket and trousers, a black linen vest and a white shirt, rounded off with a burgundy bow tie of all things, and topped off with a silver pocketwatch chain, black hat, and briefcase, made him look so very much older than 22. And as I sat opposite him at our little table in the University Center, I was struck by one thing; he looked, he spoke, he acted like a man.

And he proved himself to be one. He didn't only stand up when a lady left the table or eat his lunch fastidiously, he also revealed himself to possess a profound, deep, adult faith in God, one most people don't achieve their entire lives.

To me, he was perfect. And utterly deserving of love.

I spent a couple of weeks completely starry-eyed. He couldn't do or say anything wrong in my view. The three days a week that my best friend, through whom I met him, and I would have lunch with him at school became the highlights of my week. I began attending the Latin Mass community where he and his family attend. Actually, I really could take up volumes on the things God has taught me in the last few weeks that I never would have learned had I not met Mark and began attending Saint Michael's...but we'll focus on the most important one, because it relates to the Greatest Commandment.

How to love, both God and those around me.

As time went by I began to notice that this sterling young man did indeed have his tarnish. After all, we are all sinners. Not one of us is perfect but Christ, no matter how we may feel about a person. I'd never go on a litany of his faults, but this young man does possess a few, and while they may endear him to me, they irritate our mutual friend to no end.

My good friend Mark is indeed deserving of love, as are all God's creations. But he is not perfect. And as much love as Mark is deserving of, Christ is even more deserving of my love.

If I can fling myself with abandon into caring for Mark, who is flawed, if I can feasibly consider the idea of following an imperfect man to the ends of the earth...then how shall I feel about Christ? Should I not fling myself into love for Christ with even more enthusiasm? And since I already know where He leads me, to salvation and rest, through green pastures and beside still waters, why should I be unwilling to follow Him to the ends of the earth?

We seldom think of love for God in terms of the way we're taught to think of romantic love. There have been days where, right at lunch, when the campus is abuzz with people walking to and fro, I've wanted to hop on top of the clocktower and yell out how amazing I think Mark is. Why should I be any less willing to do that for God? Or at the very least, in situations that would require me to speak up about my faith, or to show it by example, why should I shy away?

If I place Christ at the center of my love then the way I look at Mark, for the time being at least, must also change. This dear young man may seem utterly perfect in my eyes...but it may not be God's will that he and I should be more than dear friends. I don't know what God has planned for me. My poor human heart has a hard enough time figuring out what He wants of me right this moment!

But I love Mark. As hard as I have tried to remain Miss Elinor Dashwood about this whole thing I can't help but feeling an ache worthy of Marianne whenever I'm around him. Simple, silly, foolish me! I feel utterly ridiculous that I so love to make him smile, that my breath has caught the few times our hands have touched.

And so I have had to learn how to love. I have had to learn how to love my Lord with all the enthusiasm I can muster, and to never place a mere fellow human above Him in my heart. (And actually? When I'm regularly attending Mass, praying throughout the day, and reading and studying deep, weighty theology...that hasn't been difficult. God, after all, asks nothing of us that He doesn't also give us the means to achieve.)

And I've had to learn how to love Mark, that dear, dear young man, as my brother in Christ.

And I will confess, my friends, that has been hard.

Coming Monday

Another post on Natural Beauty...namely, how to even your skin tone with a homemade powder! The cheapest foundation powders are chock full of chemicals and the natural ones run as much as $65 a pop...But I'll show you how to make your own facial powder for dimes, for a variety of skin tones!

Hmm

I'm considering either revamping this blog or moving to a new one. I feel like a fresh start would really get me back into blogging again.

Me? Sing in a Choir?

Possibly in the near future! The Latin Mass community I recently started attending is in desperate need of female altos...and fortunately, I just happen to be one!

Asking for Strength

School, persistent sinus headaches, and financial woes are upon my household. Please pray for us!

Pining?

I've been getting a lot of relationship advice lately.

Some of it, like the advice on Mr. Doug Phillip's "How to Evaluate a Suitor" CD, has been life-changing.

Some of it has been just plain bad.

Some people have even cornered me in public and admonished me like a five year old that some of my behavior is not appropriate. I've been accused "chasing" a guy.

This was utterly shocking to me, as I'm not the type to chase at all. I've always been the type to wait for the young man to make the first move. Such was the case with the young man I've mentioned in the past, who I've been good friends with for almost a year before the idea of pursuing something more even entered my head.

As I said, I've been friends with this young man a while. As such I'm comfortable being myself around him. I'm comfortable texting my friends. I'm comfortable messaging them on Facebook. I'm also quite comfortable baking them the odd pie or pound cake when they've had a bad day. (Just ask my former roommate.) Apparently this behavior is "chasing" a guy, even when we've been friends for a while.

I would think completely changing the way I interact with someone the moment they become a romantic interest would be more chasing, but oh well.

To be fair, I haven't actually been out on any kind of date or had any serious conversations on relationship or other matters with this young man outside of as just friends. He's heavily involved with his church, working two jobs to pay for school, and school itself, which just started this past week, and we as such haven't really "gone anywhere."

And just to make things a little more complex? This Monday my best friend introduced me to an old friend of hers, who is equally as mature, if not moreso, than the first young man, equally as intelligent, and equally as "removed from the world." Unlike the first young man, who we'll call George, this second young man, who we'll call Mark, is deeply Catholic, which is the faith in which I have grown up and with which I am most familiar.

For all of ten minutes, I was in a terrible tizzy.

And then I realized that my life is most fortunately NOT a Jane Austen novel. Because as much as I love them, I wouldn't really want to live in one. I don't need to lock myself in my room and weep, nor do I need to spin a web of drama as apposed to a support group.

I've been given a very rare opportunity here. An opportunity to put my head above my heart. An opportunity for discernment and prayer, a chance to grow closer to God. And a chance to NOT fall head over heels into an attachment without considering all aspects of the situation.

After all, why do I really need to be caught up in young men, chasing them or otherwise? I have the love of a vast extended family, and most of all of my God and his Son.

So who's pining?